You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
