He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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