You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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