Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
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You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
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Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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