i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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