stop calling my apartment porn island.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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