Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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