I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
