Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
