I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
