can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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