Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
