Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I need to align my fucking chakras
Never underestimate the power of titties
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
