His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
