fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
