hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize