Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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