He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
