Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
