Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I've blown a few things in my day
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
