Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
