When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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