how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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