i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
