I cockslap morals
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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