so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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