theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
