Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
