You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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