If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
