Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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