I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
