I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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