Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
