all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
