are you so shy because you have an std?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
