I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
