I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
