I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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