A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
