he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
