omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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