so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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