I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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