you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
