I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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