so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
