He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
