3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
wanna go halves on a baby?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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