As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
