fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
