Texts From Last Night

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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.

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  (570): I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet. http://tfl.nu/lza9
  Replies (9) Good night (875) Bad night (1295)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.

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  (508): I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo. http://tfl.nu/92km
  Replies (2) Good night (1228) Bad night (653)
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  (631): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood

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  (631): sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood http://tfl.nu/dhuu
  Replies (113) Good night (1203) Bad night (6379)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...

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  (412): You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this... http://tfl.nu/lqse
  Replies (19) Good night (903) Bad night (5347)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.

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  (905): he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family. http://tfl.nu/wcpl
  Replies (8) Good night (977) Bad night (5405)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house

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  (425): i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house http://tfl.nu/3ff4
  Replies (40) Good night (8148) Bad night (1501)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.

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  (563): I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished. http://tfl.nu/1qri
  Replies (10) Good night (5538) Bad night (1016)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum

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  (860): i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum http://tfl.nu/egi2
  Replies (10) Good night (3098) Bad night (872)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.

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  (516): Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase. http://tfl.nu/afiw
  Replies (9) Good night (1694) Bad night (626)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.

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  (715): An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all. http://tfl.nu/7eme
  Replies (12) Good night (3898) Bad night (901)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.

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  (781): My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning. http://tfl.nu/4mpl
  Replies (1) Good night (1254) Bad night (564)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on

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  (701): I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on http://tfl.nu/r00x
  Replies (2) Good night (1178) Bad night (427)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."

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  (480): The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver." http://tfl.nu/f94p
  Replies (5) Good night (649) Bad night (433)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.

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  (732): Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please. http://tfl.nu/0g2f
  Replies (0) Good night (723) Bad night (381)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together

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  (406): So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together http://tfl.nu/os5d
  Replies (5) Good night (405) Bad night (403)

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