It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.