Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.