Texts From Last Night

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?

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  (419): Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat? http://tfl.nu/dmug
  Replies (5) Good night (3606) Bad night (1040)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  It was the best sex i've ever had.

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  (540): That was the scariest sex i've ever heard.... (1-540): It was the best sex i've ever had. http://tfl.nu/k8p9
  Replies (13) Good night (7942) Bad night (1227)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.

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  (703): the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up. http://tfl.nu/glqa
  Replies (23) Good night (4585) Bad night (1496)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket

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  (817): i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket http://tfl.nu/0h42
  Replies (2) Good night (736) Bad night (2247)
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  (212): View more from New York

  There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.

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  (212): There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'. http://tfl.nu/wlcp
  Replies (21) Good night (1718) Bad night (2950)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took

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  (780): Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took http://tfl.nu/mwwf
  Replies (8) Good night (2417) Bad night (777)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.

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  (248): I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back. http://tfl.nu/312y
  Replies (9) Good night (1828) Bad night (682)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out

  (916): View more from California

  you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it

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  (971): he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out (916): you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it http://tfl.nu/3y26
  Replies (11) Good night (2241) Bad night (693)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.

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  (910): I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy. http://tfl.nu/uqk4
  Replies (2) Good night (1084) Bad night (438)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it

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  (701): He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it http://tfl.nu/1dio
  Replies (5) Good night (455) Bad night (973)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.

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  (306): my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets. http://tfl.nu/lsez
  Replies (2) Good night (536) Bad night (343)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here

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  (406): Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here http://tfl.nu/0r5v
  Replies (1) Good night (406) Bad night (358)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit

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  (775): I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit http://tfl.nu/5wjn
  Replies (2) Good night (373) Bad night (519)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.

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  (575): We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray. http://tfl.nu/vf0w
  Replies (0) Good night (514) Bad night (336)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.

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  (330): If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League. http://tfl.nu/d8th
  Replies (2) Good night (983) Bad night (278)

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