So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
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Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You may now shotgun with the bride
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
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I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again