I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.