What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.