Michael Bay diarrhea
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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