You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
