I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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