I'm going to jail i love you
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
smell my finger.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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