we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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