life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
