Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
