i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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