he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
