i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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