it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
