Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
