break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
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