But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
