I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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